I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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