I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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