And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
