I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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