I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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