FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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