so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
