Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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