The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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