If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
