you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
