My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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