How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ketchup is God's man juice
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
