What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
