Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
