Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just threw up on my dentist
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
