is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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