Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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