I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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