Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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