just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she told me i tasted like america
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
