Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
