I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
