only if we run a train.
done.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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