Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
