pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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