This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
