My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
