FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
