All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
