She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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