I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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