i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
