Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
