Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
