Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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