we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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