Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
