party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
