farters have to be the big spoon...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
