hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
