Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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