More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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