Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
