You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
