non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
