I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
