I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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