Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
