ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
