that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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