Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
