I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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