last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize