areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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