uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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