It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea