dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.