Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1027) Bad night (2347)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.

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  (917): But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs. http://tfl.nu/w3j8
  Replies (20) Good night (3085) Bad night (761)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

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  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5362) Bad night (621)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.

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  (803): worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week. http://tfl.nu/ib48
  Replies (28) Good night (686) Bad night (3124)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.

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  (913): I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like. http://tfl.nu/zoxi
  Replies (18) Good night (928) Bad night (5168)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

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  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9712) Bad night (1384)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.

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  (904): He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him. http://tfl.nu/bmxc
  Replies (23) Good night (1160) Bad night (2888)
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  (310): View more from California

  She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.

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  (310): She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/wr7g
  Replies (12) Good night (1049) Bad night (5018)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.

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  (860): the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real. http://tfl.nu/2bbh
  Replies (5) Good night (4777) Bad night (864)
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  (949): View more from California

  I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

  (949): View more from California

  In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

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  (949): I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket. (949): In a moving vehicle and other people in the car http://tfl.nu/58wf
  Replies (7) Good night (1305) Bad night (465)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.

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  (612): There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/g344
  Replies (12) Good night (768) Bad night (959)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump

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  (860): I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump http://tfl.nu/62ek
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (652)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.

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  (254): He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong. http://tfl.nu/xvj4
  Replies (2) Good night (340) Bad night (771)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.

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  (706): Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear. http://tfl.nu/ztlg
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (305)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent

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  (407): I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent http://tfl.nu/qh18
  Replies (3) Good night (284) Bad night (420)

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