Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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