I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
