I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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