i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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