We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
