I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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