Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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