Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
