Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to stop coming to work sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
