Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
