real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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