I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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