Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
