Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
