Umm I'm too high to move.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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