wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
