He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
