How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
