I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
