Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
