If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
