My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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