why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize