her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
