Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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