After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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