talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
