Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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