one two three fourrrrnication!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
