I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
