Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
