Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
